Help a Child Cope With the Death of a Dog

Our dogs are an important member of our family and when we lose them it’s quite painful. Often times kids haven’t had to deal with this depth of pain before. GriefSpeaks offers several suggestions that will help you help a child cope with the death of a dog. One thing to keep in mind is that kids of different ages perceive death differently and cope with grief differently.

You may need to explain death to a younger child. Parenting Kaboose offers this suggestion to explain the death of a dog to younger kids.

Explain that the animal’s body stopped working. Depending on your religious beliefs and what the child can understand, you might explain the concept of a soul. However, it is important for the child to know that the pet has died and will not be coming back.

Help a child cope with the death of a dog using these suggestions from GriefSpeaks:

• Children need to hear the truth – simply announce the truth of what has happened

• Listen, listen, listen – don’t feel you need to talk all the time

• Each child is unique and each situation is different – pay attention to the child’s signals of how much information they need and can understand and handle

• Children need prompt and accurate information and need to be allowed to ask questions.

• Let them see your feelings of sadness but also your strength

• You don’t have to have all the answers

• Let them know you’ll get through this together

• Children are in as much pain as we are but often do not have the vocabulary to express their feelings. Help them put words on their feelings. (“You sound mad.” “You seem sad.” “You feel overwhelmed.” “You’re scared. ) Tell them how you are feeling

• Children grieve just as adults do however they frequently act out their grief rather than express it verbally

• Keep it simple . . . Listen, hugs, tears, truth

• Get the kids to talk – what are they feeling, thinking, needing. Again, you don’t need to do all the talking

• If a child chooses NOT to talk we must respect that – don’t force it but let them know you are available

• Let children play – play is an important vehicle to allow children to work through their concerns and emotions

• Listen emphatically – you cannot fix it, make it better, or take their pain away. Validate their pain and their feelings. Feelings are not good or bad or right or wrong. They just ARE. I.e. Don’t say “you shouldn’t feel scared/sad/angry.” Say, “so, you’re scared.” Keep reflecting back what they feel. (Read “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk,” by Adele Faber)

• Anger is okay – being destructive or harmful to oneself or other is not. Be constructive with anger… scream, yell, pound a pillow, ride your bike until you are exhausted

• Be present physically – spend time with your child. It’s okay for them to see you cry but try to also let them see your strength and ability to cope.

• Be as tactile as possible – cuddling, hugging, touching an arm or shoulder . . . even for grown “children.”

• Acknowledge the tragedy. Explain and share the facts as best you can – without the knowledge of the real facts, children create their own “facts” sometimes even more terrifying than the real event.

 Sometimes a dog’s death is anticipated – as is the case with old dogs. But other times the death is sudden and unexpected. Grief comes in both instances and your kids need you to guide them through this sadness. If you have ideas on how a parent can help a child cope with the death of a dog, please share them below.